Something that goes with chronic pain & autoimmune disorder that people don’t really talk about is how overwhelmingly aware you are that yr meat sack is slowly dying around you and that you are damaged and flawed and someday going to cease working entirely. You feel yr joints all the time. You know exactly where yr bones grind into one another. You lie down and try and get comfortable but you can feel the way the muscles in yr legs just don’t work right. That yr skin feels too hot, too hot all the time. Or suddenly too cold, for no reason. There’s a constant awareness at all times just how constrained you are by yr physical form. Want to dance!? Too bad, the meat ship yr consciousness inhabits isn’t working well enough today. Tired and want to sleep? Whoops the medicine you need to put into the other flesh and chemicals that comprise you makes you anxious, unable to rest. And it wears you down. It’s every moment of every day. Even the best days, the very best of the best days, yr only 80% of a healthy person. So you try and give 110% just to get by. You give 200% for something that really matters to make it count and make it perfect. And then you crash. You collapse, maybe not literally— but sometimes literally— and it can take weeks, god forbid even, months, to get back to that 80% you yearn for so much.
And you try and imagine what life must be like if you don’t feel yr heart thumping in yr chest you don’t have to count the breaths in and out you don’t have to writhe in pain before laying down to sleep you don’t have to weigh yr options between going outside a bit and feeling okay for longer. You wonder what it must be like to simply think about who you are, or what you want to eat for lunch, or the nice thing you want to get yr partner for their birthday. You do not know how this feels. All you know is the pain and the uncertainty that tomorrow might not always be better. Optimism is great. Hope is a balm. It can and will carry you far.
But when yr chest aches from exhaustion, from yr heart straining to meet the demands of yr body, from yr body being in so much pain for so long yr spiraling stressed, it’s hard not to think just how close you are, all the time, every day, to when whatever cascade of cellular frailty keeps you afloat, how close you are to when it all house of cards collapses.
Check it out at loveandluckpodcast.com/kickstarter, watch our video to see our cute faces, pledge to get some AMAZING rewards, and share it far and wide to support queer art by queer people!
Love and Luck is a cute queer romance audio drama podcast, with a touch of magic. We’re here to bring you healthy relationships and happy endings, for a few minutes every Tuesday.
With your help, we can pay our cast and crew for their work in season two, as well as covering our costs and creating some lovely Love and Luck merchandise.
We’ve got stickers, badges, keyrings, posters, and enamel pins! We’ve also got some fun digital goodies like wallpapers, a ringtone, and a special thank you voicemail from Jason and Kane! Want something a bit more special? Get your name in the credits, name a major character, or be in the show yourself!
HEY FRIENDS. SO. I make a podcast! This is an expensive thing to do! I want to pay the people who help me make it this year, but to do that I need your help.
Please look at our Kickstarter, we have lots of cool things for you like merchandise and livestreams and even being in the show yourself! So please do consider chucking a few dollars our way.
And please share this as far and wide as you can! Sharing the link with your friends and family is JUST AS VALUABLE TO ME as backing us with actual money.
Something I wasn’t able to really articulate until recently, but has helped me understand why I’m so angry about people suggesting dietry cures for disabilities or chronic illnesses is because it puts the blame at my feet.
When you say “have you tried yoga?” as though it will stop my chronic pain, or “you know you can actually supplement x medication with y and z pills and you’ll feel much better!” or suggest some other diet or exercise fad that is going to work miracles and cure the uncurable in me, you suggest that, quite simply, I haven’t done enough.
I have tried everything. I have seen the Doctor(s) multiple times, I have poured innumerable hours into researching my condition(s) and expended exhaustable amounts of energy coming together with other people who share my struggles to try and figure out what will work best for managing my symptoms.
But my condition is incurable. And it’s not my fault. I didn’t cause my condition by eating badly, or by not exercising enough, and it won’t be fixed by eating better or exercising more.
And the implication of suggesting simple fixes like diet and exercise is that it’s my simple lack of those things which has made me sick. If I’d only eaten more kale, or if I’d done more yoga, or if I’d just gone gluten free vegan, or if I’d done this or that… well, then I wouldn’t be sick.
But that’s not how this works. Autoimmune disorders aren’t caused by bad diets, chronic pain isn’t caused by not doing enough or the right kind of exercise, and disabilities aren’t caused by laziness or not putting enough effort into finding a cure. It’s not our fault.
Check it out at loveandluckpodcast.com/kickstarter, watch our video to see our cute faces, pledge to get some AMAZING rewards, and share it far and wide to support queer art by queer people!
Love and Luck is a cute queer romance audio drama podcast, with a touch of magic. We’re here to bring you healthy relationships and happy endings, for a few minutes every Tuesday.
With your help, we can pay our cast and crew for their work in season two, as well as covering our costs and creating some lovely Love and Luck merchandise.
We’ve got stickers, badges, keyrings, posters, and enamel pins! We’ve also got some fun digital goodies like wallpapers, a ringtone, and a special thank you voicemail from Jason and Kane! Want something a bit more special? Get your name in the credits, name a major character, or be in the show yourself!
HEY FRIENDS. SO. I make a podcast! This is an expensive thing to do! I want to pay the people who help me make it this year, but to do that I need your help.
Please look at our Kickstarter, we have lots of cool things for you like merchandise and livestreams and even being in the show yourself! So please do consider chucking a few dollars our way.
And please share this as far and wide as you can! Sharing the link with your friends and family is JUST AS VALUABLE TO ME as backing us with actual money.
Verylisa 