bumblebeebats:

baetology:

Sometimes it blows my mind that there are people that don’t wear glasses/contacts. Like they can literally see with no aid. Like they wake up and just be out here seeing. What a wild concept.

And people say stuff like ‘lol don’t you hate it when you look up in the middle of the night and see a spider on your ceiling’ like bitch (!!) i could have Nicholas II last czar of Russia hangin from my ceiling fan and i would be none the wiser

theonion:

How To Talk To Your Child About The Election Results

Here’s some advice for talking to your child about the shocking outcome of the 2016 presidential election:

  • Children often understand more than we think, so start off by asking them if they have any idea what the fuck is happening.
  • Put their mind at ease by confirming that the results of this election aren’t the end of the world in any strictly literal sense.
  • Don’t be afraid to openly share your wine with them.
  • Avoid touching on any topic that might be distressing to a young child, such as the electoral college.
  • Reassure them that no matter what, the adults in their life will always feel obligated to tell them everything’s going to be all right.
  • Explain that testosterone is a naturally occurring steroid hormone that makes a person more aggressive and reactive.
  • Remind them that one day when they’re older, they’ll understand all of this a lot better and will get to decide for themselves whether or not they should forgive us.
  • Acquaint your daughter with the word “motherfucker” to equip her for what lies ahead.
  • If they have additional questions, direct them to your Twitter feed.